Binbo Yusuri

This is the Japanese word for something that has ailed me my entire life--the shaking of the leg. That subconscious anxiety that manages to get my legs to bounce up and down and drive those who know and love me, and I am sure those who don't as well (they simply don't tell me) CRAZY! In Japan the story goes, that if you have binbo yusuri you will become poor (binbo means poor).

I now hardly if ever shake my leg. I have been filled with such a peace and rest. Recently, a good friend called out some areas of healing in my life where it is quite obvious that I strive; the way I speak and express myself, constantly going on tangents and parading every quote I have ever heard that are somehow stored in my brain.

I have been praying one of the name's of the Lord a lot lately. Jehovah Shalom. I have been focusing solely on His Shalom (on His peace, His wholeness, His completeness and harmony among many other things that the Hebrew shalom can be translated into) and I have seen it manifest in my life. I have never been so restful and at peace. No more trying to get the next word in. Well, sometimes, but I am so quick to repent (turn from it, not so much start apologizing to God) and then learn from the mistake and keep focusing on His Shalom.

I love being able to be more self-critical of myself than I have ever been in my life but without beating myself up. The growth everyday is phenomenal. No longer do I focus on my deficiency but on His complete sufficiency. The best decision I have ever made: to let God be God and to behold Him always.

Today at my Wednesday night community group, in usual fashion I began by expounding all I knew about the subject and then the Holy Spirit gently said to me, " You don't need to or have to say anything." What freedom. I sat there for the rest of the night, completely in love with my brothers and sisters as I prayed for them under my breath. Papa is teaching me how to be a voice and not an echo, as a dear man who God has used in my life once prophesied over me, and for now Papa is saying, "Stop trying to prove you love me by how much you know and how eloquent you are and just love them."

Papa is leading every step of my life right now and I wouldn't have it any other way. He is leading my music. Check out a new recording at www.myspace.com/adamyv and he is leading other things as well. He has told me to start taking Turkish so I will start tomorrow and studying has become an act of worship and He is blessing my language abilities beyond what I could have imagined; and all I do is rest in Him and only jump when he says jump. I don't get it perfect every time, but He is so much bigger than that and He doesn't want me wasting time on that.

He knows every raindrop that falls on my forehead...

His son,
Christian